Bell Jar Thoughts
In the Bell Jar, Esther emotions after a summer internship really strike me. The way her life completely shifts after this is very different than the normal progress of people's life. Usually internships usually allow people to see themselves in their future career and give them more passion for their future endeavors. The way Esther behavior shifts is interesting but relates to a picture of growing up.
As most teenagers know growing up is hard and you usually don't know what your gonna do in the future. The way Esther responds to this is different than normal though so I wonder if her dad dying affected her mental health in a way like this too. Another part of Esther mental illness was that she stayed in a mental institution for awhile and she had shock treatments. The way her treatment was is really different from today which is mainly because of new technology and new culture around mental illness. The way the book depicts Esther's mental illness is really surprising for the time it was written in. I think the author describing her time dealing with mental illness is good to show others that they can have hope and overcome these challenges but also shows people who don't experience mental illness kind of what it is like.
Another part of her treatment was Dr. Nolan. Her relationship with her doctor was more of like a surrogate mother and friend than an actual doctor. They were closer than the normal patient and doctor which could of been because they were always together since Esther lived their 24/7 and she was her physiatrist. Dr. Nolan responded in a down to earth way that allowed Esther to respect and trust her unlike her relationship with Dr. Gordon. The way that Dr. Nolan made promises to Esther and helped her find freedom by giving her birth control is different than the stereotypical doctor and patient relationship. I do think this relationship was one of the things that allowed Esther to heal and was very useful for her outlook on life. Overall, this book includes a way for people to get a view of the mental health struggles of this time and the treatment they offered but it also shows growing up and having these confusing thoughts.
If one purpose of a summer internship is to enable the student to envision their future self in a public role--which is intended to be a GOOD thing, inspirational, opportunities for networking, valuable experience, etc.--then Esther's reversal of this paradigm works in sort of the opposite way. It's like there's no "neutral" way to respond to an internship: if it goes well, it feels like a sign that this profession is a "good fit" or "meant to be." (I actually have never done an internship of any kind; I'm just assuming what the experience is like.) But Esther DOES gain valuable experience, in the opposite direction--she feels like she's learning how ill-suited she might be for this (or any!) profession. Her "failure" will also seem like failing a test, or botching an opportunity. She learns she can't hang with someone like Jay Cee, who applies all this pressure and makes Esther feel like an imposter who hides behind her GPA. It's as if she sees herself as returning from the summer session in New York being fully convinced that she is NOT fit for this sort of thing. That's partly her illness talking, of course--but the experience from her perspective is like she tried something, failed, and learned something about herself in the process.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I think that Esther being a so far successful person at the beginning of the story is an interesting aspect. You're right that internships are usually a period of growth in someone's life, but maybe it has to do with whether she actually wanted to or not or if she went because of other pressures.
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